Sometimes i really hate myself..what for have to angry or sad all of the time..I did try to cheer up myself but i can’t..I know that nobody can help me..Anywhere i hope i;ll be fine soon..
Huh..feel so bad with this christmas..What the hell of the stupid guy did this to a girl,damn mad on that day..He was asking my phone num and told me that he bring phone so need my phone to save his num and he disappear after a while when someone talked to me..Can’t sleep well the whole nite cos i lost some of the important contacts in that phone..Heartache man cos just bought it last month~.~” What the shit of the guy..Dun let me see him again..Was my bad day
A bit down these days..Don’t think really can understand myself. I hope to be but i can’t..Last friday was attend a friend’s birthday party,its quite fun and drink a lot of wine. I thought i was so enjoy and happy so we continue to club..Once arrived ,i started to drink again and talked to one of my friend who i knew for sometimes..I dropped my tears after the conversation,i tried to stop but i can’t and that nite i chatted a lot with my friends and till late..Sometimes i thought i can understand myself and know what i want but now i know its not true..i STiLL lost myself but i will not give up~~I hate the person who hurt me before~~
Finally, i’ve finished my job and the A1 racing is over..I must be happy right ?? But not..Still remember what i’ve did last few days,rushing all the way to meet clients and model..I can’t sleep well,can’t eat well and i’ve to worry about everything because im represent a company to handle this job and what im so angry and sad is because of the company..Never details me everything and sign any agreement with the oversea company that we deal with..I Did try my best to protect the models. I recalled something bad was happened last night,clients suddenly asked me about to change the models and i was frighten that time but luckily he called me in the midnight and changed his mind and no need to change the girls..phew~~I supposed to go sepang in the early morning today but really damn headache in this morning so i was late there and something bad was happened..Clients complaint again that the model didnt do well and 1 of them show face to client too..I just keep apologized to them but they didnt scold me as well. Still feel lucky but just damn disappointed with the company that i represent..I feel bad..Very bad..Its real….I don’t understand why they did things like that and different thinking with me . I think if this which start with honest and it would be good in the end..Hope i can get a good rest tonight~~~
Met lots different kind of peoples and things these few months…Isit good?? I don’t know but one thing i glad abt it is i get some good friends..Actually still confused about myself nowdays..Yea i do very enjoy and happy when hanging out with friends but feel sad and lonely when im alone,maybe i still don’t really understand about myself or what should i want..I’ve been trying very hard to get myself back.Decided to futher study in next year,have to look for colleges when get back to kl.I don’t want to waste my time anymore because i can feel im getting old as well.I feel guilty cos i treat my parents bad and long time never back and look for them till my mum need to sleep in my room.Aunt told me a lot is just my mum don’t want call and disturb me..Am i bad?? I do appreaciate the time when im with my parents,its not true before but its real for me now..Hope they can understand..Wish myself happy always..^.^
Sorry to all my dear friends that i never reply the msg and sms recently..so sorry..I thought i can forget about everything that happened to me when im avoid ppl asking me my problems..I do appreciate that someone who understand and care of me even my x-bf…Thanks for u a lot..I ‘ve stop writing my blog for nearly one month and i really don’t know how to express my feeling to u guys..its really complicated.Seems like a lots thing keep changing around me even my lifestyle,i feel uncomfortable with all those thing was happened to me,i really can’t accept..Met someone after shop with friend and went for a drink..So far i know this person more than 1 year and still care for me,its hard to get a friend like this even reject him before..^.^ I’ve drunk and sad enough in all these days,maybe im not awake yet but i sure that i still have many friends support me so i must do something and not let my friends feel disappointed with me right?? hmm..feel tired and sleepy in a sudden,think should go to my dreamland now..nitez everyone..Zzzzz…
Its already 7am now but i still not sleep yet..I know i should go and take a good rest and dont think so much but i cant..Yesterday such a blur day too..The phone called wake me up but i didnt answered the called coz very headache at that moment and just continue sleep untill evening..After that accompany my friend to shopping at starhill and bukit bintang(waste lot money)haa haa… 
Btw still not so happy.. I really don’t know what to do?I didnt went out for clubbing too but i think its good cos of personal reason^.^ Hope to see the person again,such a cute & funny person..THX for someone who care of me and i did read the sms..Thx a lot..Glad to have u guys as my friend and buddy..
Like my friends said im so blur recently..Some of them worried abt me cos got someone saw me talking with myself sometimes but i really dont now abt it..Actually they dont want let me know but i can feel that im a bit different with before..Haiz what to do?? Relax a bit or see doctor?? haa haa..what a stupid i am? But i think i damn stupid cos i met with a actor and drunk with him and at last i also dont he is a actor..blur blur…haa haa..but not that important for me anymore..My mood is quite down now,really feel like want to cry but its not worth rite? Hmm hope i will not see the one i dont want to see anymore la..cry a while and i think can sleep well..nitez
Huh…Back to kl again,quite boring hah…yesterday was so unhappy when still was in ipoh..After karaoke then back to friend’s hs and suddenly i started cried but i dont know why?? and i did stupid thing cos i made my friend cried too..what a bad girl i am…anywhere really thanks for him..he did take care me a lot before just we cannot together now..Thanks a lot..My memory
Yesterday i give out 2jobs and join my friends to party.We went to loft,maison and heineken rave party but the party was finished when we were there at 2am..After that we still going somewhere to have fun..Im quite down but i didnt drunk as well..At 1st i just sit at there and looking all of them dance,drink ..After a while 1 of the girl came and talk to me and finally i got something in the conversation..Knew that someone who cheated on me but im not that sad just a bit disapponted..So on i treat them or anyone as a friend ,i dont expect that im always cheated by somebody who i trust..She ask me to call her whenever im sad and need someone to talk but dont think about the person anymore..Quite touched and we’ve captured some pics and soon will upload at here..They are my sweet friends ,forever and ever…I’ve been hurt for so long,sometimes i really cant accept the truth but life still go on and i know i have a lot of things to do in my future. I must fight for myself like wht she said rite?? Anywhere im going back to ipoh with my friends for 1day…miss u all..muacksss…
